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Welcome to the probinsyana's personal blog. To all the followers of my neglected blog, I am sorry for leaving you right then and there. I just have some personal issues to deal with and I hope you guys could respect that. Anyway, thank you for taking time to stalk me. I love you. XX

Sunday, 25 March 2012 @ 06:53
Psych Ward

For 300 hours, I've been doing psychological evaluation reports, clinical case studies, observing patient's behavior and so on! Thank God I was able to maintain my own sanity and completed my three fucking hundred on-the-job training hours. Prepping up for the real life dilemma. Wish me luck guys!

-XX-

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Sunday, 4 March 2012 @ 03:04
Like We Used To
So here's to the past. I'm ready to go ---- but before all else I want everyone to know that he's all I ever wanted. When I first realized that I liked him, I never expected that it would be this hard to let him go and to open up to a new love. Maybe, my friend was right. Maybe, I look for all traces of him in every guy I meet so I end up getting disappointed and trying to start over again. It's funny the way I reacted when I saw your name on my Facebook notification, it just feels like high school. Perhaps, i am just stressed about college and I want things to be exactly like they were in high school. I don't know, maybe I missed you too much and I feel like there's nobody to defend me or even just to listen to my rants. Seriously, I don't know how it feels to like someone anymore. I don't know how it feels to be in love anymore. I need to start again, from scratch.

I have to realize that not every guy I meet resembles to you. last night, when I saw a picture of you I was like, oh he looks like my new crush, they have the same eyes! I SHOULD STOP COMPARING YOU TO THEM. I have to stop telling guys that they should get the same haircut as you just because I think yours is perfect. I have to stop asking guys to wear the same clothes as you. More importantly, I should stop changing them to become like you.

It has been years and I simply want to thank you for teaching me a lot of things. No matter what happens, you're still the first guy who proved that I'm a silly little girl who falls in love with a bad guy but didn't have a happy ending. Thank you. I had a feeling I'd be seeing you again.


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@ 01:29
Deadlines
Say hello to a few more deadlines and then we're ready to hit the road.

Last month of college, here we go!
     





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Saturday, 25 February 2012 @ 04:15
She's Not A Stinky Hippie
She has been through a lot. Before you call her names, you better make sure that you know her well. You cannot just judge her with the way she dress. You have no right to give her a label. She's a pro in faking a smile. Deep down inside she's hurting. You don't know anything to even call her a bitch. Life has been so tough on her that has molded her into the person she is right now. She always have that game-face on but she's easily discouraged by the mean things you say about her. Again, you do not know anything. She's been hurt over and over again for the same reasons. She's receiving the same promises over and over but people continue to disappoint her. Can you stop hurting her? Can you please stop making her cry? This girl, behind her smiles, is still in search of real happiness. You can easily make her believe that people will stay forever but then all they ever did was leave her halfway.

Yes, she's been hurt.
Yes, she's been betrayed.
But she's still here.
She may have doubts but still believes that someday, 
she will find bliss.

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Sunday, 12 February 2012 @ 01:33
Almost Done

So I am now on my 36th day. For the past 35 days, this book has been guiding me with everything. It has been my best friend when I needed one. My pillow when I needed comfort. My blanket when I needed warmth. My shield when I needed protection.

The remaining weeks of college has been really REALLY tough. Yes, I knew how it all started but we did tried our best to fix things. But as the saying goes, you can never really fix things that are already broken. Things are never the same as they used to and I'm sort of learning to let go now. Though it hurts a lot, I needed to. Some friendships never last. They are meant to leave and I got to keep my head high because I believe, somewhere down the road, I will meet new ones who intend to stay.

4 more days to go until my soul completely opens up ----- to God.

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